dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
