I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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