My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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