I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
