and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
