zippers are such a cool invention
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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