What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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