Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
