A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
