Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
