Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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