if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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