We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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