If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
