Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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