Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm too high and old for this...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
