I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
