apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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