3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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