It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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