just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
