Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
