For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
