my text book just quoted the cookie monster
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
