dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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