I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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