Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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