Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
