drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
