considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
