so that wasnt chicken after all
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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