you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
