Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
