I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Where is the hickey?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
