The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
