like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
