Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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