even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
