he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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