whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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