I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
