I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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