I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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