I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
