There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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