i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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