ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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