yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
