I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
