And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
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i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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