I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
