Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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