Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
