Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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