OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
