Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
