I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
