i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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