It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
