This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
