Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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