Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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