i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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