On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
