so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
