your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
