I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
