Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
