i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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