He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
