i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My balls are so social today.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
