You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
