So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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