i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
