remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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