He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
