There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
