We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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