90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
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