so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
