So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
