if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
