i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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