Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
