We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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