I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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