There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
