I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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