were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
